Broken Heart

And today for a sappy, broken hearted, sad post.

How would you feel to come home to an empty house, with a note saying that your best friend, the love of your life, has left you.

Well it f*cking sucks.

Thats what I came home to on Monday afternoon.

Since then, I cannot eat, cannot sleep, my life is miserable.

Tonight I finally got the chance to ask the questions I wanted and to talk to him. Apparently he doesn't like my "moodyness" and my "attitude". I've tried to explain to him that our situations and our arguments and our fights are exactly like those of other couples. He doesn't understand that a tiny argument about not asking me how my day was, is not enough to end a relationship.

For now he wants to be friends, and hang out as friends. How am I supposed to do that when the only thing I've known with him is holding hands and kissing and boyfriend/girlfriend.

I don't know whether it's worth it to pursue this. I told him what if we started fresh, just go on dates a couple times a week.. and he kept stressing "just friends". It's so upsetting and I'm at a loss of what to do. :(

Relationship

If I don't give him a kiss in the morning, if I happen to go to work before he gets up. He could give a rat's ass.
If he doesn't give me a kiss in the morning before he goes to work, it breaks my heart.

Why is he doing this to me? Why is my heart and my feelings so fragile? Why am I wanting this to work so bad that I'm literally in tears every night over this guy?

Things were perfect 6 months ago. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He couldn't stand to be apart from me for more than a day. He couldn't even go an hour without texting me. He held me in his arms all night. He always asked how my day went. He took me out to supper and to movies.

Now.. none of that. Not one thing. I ask him whats wrong... nothing. I ask why he's changed... nothing.

Why am I wasting my time on this? Why am I dwelling on it. If it's not going to work.. it's not going to work. When I'm upset, he just argues. When I want to talk, he just comes up with an excuse. He's not treating me with respect and I deserve better.

But somehow when he's gone, I'm a complete mess. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I know this from experience.

I don't know what to do. All I want is to feel wanted.

Animal Rescue

Arggghhh! VENT BLOG TONIGHT!

If you were to adopt an animal from a rescue organization. Would you want to know as much history as possible? Would you not want to know what surgeries, medical problems and vaccinations it's had.

Tonight while looking on an online garage sale I see a picture of a kitten that looks very familiar. It looks like a kitten that I know and grew fond of after fostering for weeks. This kitten was being given away because they were "unable to litter train him". But little do these owners know, this kitten has a medical problem, I know that because I was the one who gave him medicine, who looked after him and who took him to his doctors appointments. He was already returned by one home because his medical problem caused him to dribble pee without knowing it. We were well aware at this point that he needed to be given to a farm home to be an outdoor only cat. Well the next day he was adopted by an indoor home, and aparantley they were not made aware of his condition.

This frustrates me to know end. Are they not telling people about behavioral issues of dogs that have bitten kids or cats. Are they not telling people about kittens who were very sick as babies. Are they not making people aware that their new pet was not properly vaccinated as a puppy or kitten. It is your pet and it is your right to all this information.

I will not be adopting another pet from this organization.

Mind Reader?

I often wonder how many other people out there are expected to be mind readers in their line of work.... If there's anyone out there who knows how, please enlighten me :S

This Month's Goal

Well hello there blog. It's been nearly 3 years since I've been here, and I wanted to give it a whirl again. This used to be something I really enjoyed to do, before the likes of "Twitter" and the "Facebook Timeline" and "Farmville".

Well for blog number one...

Everyone has been talking about those damn Shades of Gray books. And everyone and their dog suggests that it's something I should read. This being said to the person who's only finished one book in her entire life (and yes, that would be The Diary of Anne Frank). I've tried, I swear, I've bought books about romance and books about crime, hell I've even bought books about cats, but I have yet to get enthralled in a book, nor finish it.

So on Friday I went to Coles and purchased all 3 books, spent the ridiculous amount of $45 plus tax!

So immediately following this post, I am going to attempt to start book number one. Wish me luck, and keep an eye out for updates, if this doesn't go well.. the books will be going up for sale!

I think I've made up my mind..

I've been contimplating the idea of staying in Alberta or coming back to Manitoba after college..

and I think I've finally decided what I want to do.

Small town Manitoba is where I'm meant to be, and if that means having to leave some friends behind in Alberta, so be it. I have my friends and family back home here, and this is where I want to stay.

Hopefully it's the right decision, because I have to start thinking of places to do my practicum as I have to apply in September.

p.s. I'm not ready to grow up.

what if..

when I came out here, I promised myself to keep in touch
that my friends from high school would always be my friends

I've only kept in touch with a select few
did I select them because they were closest to me? or because they were the only ones who truly cared?

have I changed?
or is it them that have changed?